First Grade

...FIRST GRADE...AGE 6...THE BRAIN CAPACITY OF A CHIPMUNK...

If we peed in our pants by accident....no big deal...That big wet pee spot would dry out eventually...

Our greatest nemisis...was identifying the difference between A&B, C&D, E&F...and sometimes Y

There were no qualifications to be a FIRST GRADER...You only had to show up...sit down...and let the knowledge sink in...

Our greatest fear was forgetting which locker we left our LUNCH BOX in...

We could barely tie our shoes...We could barely see over the top of our desks...and we couldn't even tell time yet...so the big clock on the wall was some oddity with numbers on it...

Yet we had a slight bit of sophistication towards our knowledge of Crayola Crayons...We were the first 1st Graders to blaze a path with the new giant-size 64 color crayon box...

We actually had the first access to PBS school programming with shows like The Electric Company...and Sesame Street...but...darn...by the time they came on...we were too cool to sit and watch that crap when good shows like The 3 Stooges and Little Rascals were on at the same time...

Our First Grade Teacher inside the hallowed halls of Saint Thomas More was Sister Marie Charlotte...a wonderfully bright and energetic soul who kept us in line with her smarts and her kindness...She could play the guitar wonderfully and she sang beautiful also....

So technically, you could call her THE SINGING NUN of Saint Thomas More. We were truly lucky to have her for a teacher...I can barely remember her short brown hair, always dressed in her nun's habit, yet I will never forget her impact...

Of course...first day of school came and went and no sign of Jim O'Leary...I may have been busy brokering a deal between Nabisco and Jay's Potato Chips so that they could come out with an OREO FLAVORED POTATO CHIP...

Weeks and weeks...would come and go...Where the hell is O'Leary...???...Doesn't he know we are going to be singing KUMBAYA today...???

Then...that fateful day would finally come...My agent had re-negotiated my first grade contract with an open clause that allowed me to choose a FREE CHOCOLATE MILK option. I took it!

As my other classmates had walked thru the door into the first bright little classroom on the left, weeks ago, I had my own flair for the dramatic...I was carried in by my 22 year old sister, Maureen, lugging me along like a heavy sack of potatoes..customized in my retro plaster cast...from chin to waist, covered in a solid, concrete glaze of off-white...

There was nowhere to put me so they pushed 3 desks together and placed me flat out, on top of the desks...in the back of the classroom...where I would lay wobbling and rocking, back and forth, with bubbling excitement...on a daily basis...

My classmates were unphased by my presence...after the initial shock...and we all became fast friends as time went by...some of them for a lifetime...I especially remember Nancy Turcich who looked like an angel despite having two chipped teeth when she smiled...I think we all were a bit shy at that stage...but that didn't last for long...

These were heady times...where we conquered the alphabet and even flirted with counting up to 100...Damn...there was no stopping us...and to think we had such a long way to go...

It didn't bother me that all the kids would go out and run around for recess...Me, my sister Maureen and Sister Marie Charlotte would chat about funny stuff and just be glad we had a short break amidst such a long day of schooling...

As time went by...in First Grade...I would finally get my ungodly restrictive cast off and walk thru the door like any other kid...

I think the first time I walked in...there was a sense of amazement from my classmates. I think they touched me like I was Jesus, risen from the dead...Yes, I told them, the cast was finally off and I'm gonna sit behind a desk like everyone else and be a normal kid like everyone else...

The only difference, my FREE CHOCOLOATE MILK option was expiring and I may have to go with the flow and drink any kind of milk available...from that day on...

I look back now and I am very grateful for my sister Maureen to carry me around, in and out of school, like a sack of potatoes...She must have developed the biceps of a weightlifter but she also had a heart of gold...as the time just flew by...

All in all, I was a very normal, very happy little kid and my time in a cast allowed me to view the world from outside of the box and helped shape my understanding that adversity has its advantages when it is all said and done...

Onward we go...!!!